roll of the dice

Photography by Ren Tang, staff poet

TWs: implied homophobia, one instance of swearing

It’s the first week of October during

my first semester of college. Friday night;

the LGBT Alliance is hosting their 50th

anniversary prom. I have a midterm the

next morning

(screw asynchronous classes)

but I refuse to miss this; it’s

the first place I feel comfortable enough 

to dress openly queer on campus

in public.

~ 

It’s August. Welcome events for committed students; when I get there, most of the tables are barren or only have one or two people max. Thank god. The first event that morning, I’d ended up at a table of conservative frat-boys-to- be while wearing a bag with three pride flag pins on the strap. Absolute joy.

I find an empty table and sit. I’m playing it safe.

~ 

There are party favors on the tables. Small,

purple, thin mesh, I spy rainbow charms and

dice, six-sided and brightly colored in

swirling purples and blues. I look around; at 

another table is a couple friends along with

their friends, people I don’t know but 

hey, they’re vetted by Fellow Gays™, they 

should be chill. Sure. I’ll bet on it. I head over.

~

I glance up from my phone, scan the room

again. I should probably try to make friends here. Someone is at the next table alone. Chinese guy who looks a lot like me. I try to profile

him—what are the odds he’s

like the others from before? 

~

I sit down, say hi—hi!—and we all start

poking through the little purple bags. 

There are more bags than people (or seats)

so we dump them all out and start picking

out what we each want. (The girl next to me

is taking all of the lesbian stickers—quote, 

“I’m collecting the lesbians.”)

I find two charms and two blue dice—

one deep blue, one turquoise for my 

girlfriend. 

~

I stare at him a little longer. Purse my lips. My eyes flick to the pride pins. Back to him. Worth. Not worth. Worth. Do I?

~ 

I rattle the cubes in my hand; someone else

is pulling out Cards Against Humanity. Idly,

I open my palm—

I sigh. Fuck it. Time to gamble on a friend.

I

roll

the

dice.

Ren Tang (they/any) is a college student from Long Island, New York. When not occupied with being a responsible human, they can be found on Pinterest, gaming, or otherwise chronically online; in addition to writing, they enjoy music, corvids, foxes, amateur photography, losing at badminton, and collecting a dragon’s hoard of interesting words and quotes. They are, above all, a lover of beauty in all its forms.